The Process of Becoming Her

Ozzy Balkanli
9 min readJun 3, 2022

And learning to be the main character of your story.

The process of becoming Her is a movement that’s recently taken a hold through social media, and I want to dissect what it means.

My interpretation of it is that it’s about becoming the main character of your story. With all the TikTok videos out there showcasing this, I wanted to write down what that could look like in action and the process of actually becoming Her, and the main character of your own story.

Two disclaimers:

  1. I am also on this journey myself and probably always will be.
  2. This is not only for people who identify with ‘Her’. This could be for anyone that identifies with any other pronouns.

Analyzing our belief systems.

We hold a lot of beliefs, whether we are aware of them or not.

Some beliefs that we hold could be:

“I am a bad writer.”

“I am not a great cook.”

“I am not a morning person.”

“I don’t know how to…”

“I’m not smart. ”

“I need to lose weight.”

All of these beliefs quickly become our identity and feel incredibly true to us at our core.

Then, we start acting the way we believe ourselves to be.

Which is where we start: our limiting beliefs.

We may not even realize that we’ve been holding these belief systems for so long as they’ve become habitual thoughts and patterns.

The important thing to note is that our subconscious brain believes everything we tell it. If you tell it ‘I’m not a great cook’, then it will limit yourself to that. It will do everything in its power to make this statement true for you. As Jim Kwik says, our brains are our supercomputers. We need to program it with the right inputs and thoughts.

What does Becoming Her mean?

The process of becoming Her is the pursuit of becoming the best version of yourself each day. And in that pursuit, I believe we have to learn to be limitless, and more intentional with our thoughts and our belief system.

It all starts with taking a closer look at what’s holding us back.

Main Character Energy:

Becoming Her means becoming and acting like the main character of your life movie. Main character energy is about the process of learning to become the woman of your dreams.

If your story was a movie, it would mean that you would be the main character. You would be the person that all the viewers and characters fall in love with. And essentially, you would be the one who would learn to become stronger and better as the story went on. Throughout the whole story, you would never doubt yourself nor give up on yourself, and always persevere through anything.

This isn’t to say that becoming Her is a way to change who you are deep within. Rather, this is a movement to showcase the parts of you that you may have been hiding; perhaps letting go of living with fear and instead choosing freedom to be unapologetically you.

Being intentional.

It’s a journey at aiming to live the life you’ve imagined for yourself, and not how others want you to live. Moreover, it’s about owning your story, and learning to love yourself and your human journey. It’s about falling in love with your life; even the everyday mundane tasks, and realizing that you are the one you’ve been searching for. It’s about giving yourself more love each day and allowing every experience to come and go.

My interpretation of becoming Her means becoming obsessed with your life. Rather than obsessing over people’s opinion of us; you move that energy and refocus it to accomplishing things that make you feel good and empowered. It’s about finding peace within and at the same breath, leveling up your life.

It all starts with the next three steps. This is an ongoing movement, as such is life. As long as you never give up on Her, you will always be where you are meant to be. You just have to trust that.

Three Crucial Steps to Take in the Process of Becoming Her:

1. Get specific about the details of your ideal self

The first step is to correct your inner dialogue and adjust any beliefs that are not allowing you to live the most authentic and freeing life. As we talked above.

This takes time. Give yourself patience and love through this tough journey.

It starts with unlearning habitual thoughts that you no longer want to identify with. Taking control of your thoughts is not easy. You may think that it’s no big deal to have the thoughts you are having, however, I truly believe the small increments of change we make each day are what add up to make a big difference in our life.

As a matter of fact, 1% improvement each day adds up to 37% improvement in a year. For doing the bare minimum, that’s a pretty good number!

Journal your thoughts:

The journey to unlearn thoughts that belittle you start with journaling.

This means having to get real with the thoughts you have. It means having to write down everything that you’ve been ignoring (but your subconscious brain has not).

So, write down every thought that pops up in your head in a notebook throughout the day. Then, ask yourself if this thought is true? If yes, ask yourself how can you know absolutely that it can be true? What examples do you have? If you really don’t want to write it down, you could also have an inner dialogue with yourself. I promise this will make a big difference.

Next, if you know that it’s not really true or know deep down that this thought isn’t something you want to identify with, then ask yourself if your ideal self would have this thought about herself?

Identify your ideal self beliefs and characteristics:

After you identify your current beliefs and thoughts, you want to identify the thoughts and beliefs your ideal self has.

Get very specific and detailed with anything that comes to your mind of what this would mean for you ideal self. Write down all the characteristics she might have, and her belief systems. How does she talk (especially to herself)? What thoughts does she have? What are her belief systems?

Write everything about the woman you want to become. The woman you envision for yourself. Think about the characteristics she might have. What does she eat to make herself feel her best?

Write it all down. Print it. Put it next to your bed or desk and look at it everyday. Then, learn to show up as her every single day.

No matter how small of an action it is each day — just show up.

2. Learn to show up to your commitments

The second step is learning to show up to your own commitments.

First, this means to show up to all the things you say you want to do, but keep postponing to another day. It’s about knowing that everything starts in the now, and not at a time later in the future. With that, it means getting organized and learning to show up for yourself.

How many times do you show up for others? Do you show up to work on time everyday? How about your friends; do you show up for your friends? Do you show up for events that you really don’t want to go to, but you feel bad rejecting people?

We show up for commitments for others all the time. Sometimes, without really questioning what it means for our mental health and time.

Becoming Her means realizing that one of the most valuable assets we have is our time.

Becoming Her means letting go of anything that wastes your time, people who are not aligned with your values, and things that are not true to your purpose.

It’s important to remind yourself each day that showing up to your commitments is a sign of self-respect.

So, how do you learn to show up to your own commitments?

The crucial step to take to learn to show up to your commitments means you start saying yes to you and no to everything else that doesn’t align with your core values. It means saying no to anything that doesn’t allow you to be free and messes with your inner peace. Only intuitively, you’ll know what that is.

Similarly to step one, the second step also takes time as really anything in this life does.

This one means you need to learn to really love yourself. And well, the tough journey to self-love is a journey that may last a full lifetime. But it means that you need to give yourself patience, grace and know that it’s okay to not have any of this be “perfect”.

3. Dress like the Main Character

Dress like Her.

How does your future/most ideal self dress? How would the main character of the story dress?

This one is important because I believe how we act and show up attracts more of what we want to experience.

I also strongly believe that how you dress affects your mood. If you feel your best, then you end up showing up as your best self.

Moreover, it’s also important to note that how you live each day is how you live your life. Each day adds up and becomes your life.

Personally, my ideal woman is someone who dresses in chic outfits and power suits. She has great fashion and takes care of her skin, hair, and diet. She shows up to take care of herself, not for anyone else, but for herself and her mental health.

Write down every detail of your ideal self.

So, how does your ideal self dress? Write it down. There’s no wrong answer here, and it doesn’t have to be the same as mine. This is really understanding how you want to show up each day. I want you to take care of yourself and if it means showering and putting on your favorite sweatpants, then do that.

This is about learning to understand how you want to feel by how you portray yourself outwardly. This goes hand in hand with how you dress and feel inside may help with the characteristics that you may want to portray. If it means in the beginning you’ll feel like an actress, then so be it. Remember you’re the main character.

Here’s my favorite quote to help you show up as her:

When I started showing up as the woman I wanted to be, the world began responding to me; showing me all the different ways I needed to keep moving, and healing, and growing, and stretching beyond myself, beyond anything I had ever reached before. When I started showing up as the woman I wanted to be, the world lead me to a place where I could finally say: ‘I am her’.


The Journey Ahead and Why “Her”

The journey to showing up each day as our ideal self is tough, and you may question: is it even worth it? In my opinion, showing up as your best self gives you freedom of the thoughts of ‘I should do this’ or ‘desires’ to be wanting more of our life. It allows you to get unstuck and live more fully. So, whatever gives you freedom in the end is worth it to me.

Summing it all up

Finally, to sum it all up, becoming Her is a process of persistence. It’s an internal fight to become who you want to be, and not letting obstacles get in the way of becoming all and everything you are meant to be and dream to be.

Becoming Her is a movement within yourself to show up and show to yourself that you matter. It’s truly an act of self-love. I know that the word self-love has gotten thrown around a lot more recently to a point that we may start to question the power of it, but I promise you, when you choose you, you are choosing right.

Welcome this new journey for yourself of wanting more out of your life, for not giving up until you are aligned to your most authentic self. This journey is about knowing that through the ups and downs, when you show up as your best self, you are more connected, free and full.

Here’s to the journey ahead.


This was originally published on my blog:


1% Reference:

Clear, James. “How to Get 1% Better Every Day.” Next Big Idea Club,, Accessed 6 Nov. 2021.



Ozzy Balkanli

Innately curious about finding meanings, purpose and authenticity.